This phone case is a revolution in your pocket. It doesn’t just protect your device—it protects democracy, your text messages, and the last photo you took of your cat. When you grip this, you’re gripping the future.
Shock-absorbing, scandal-resistant, and built tougher than my Brooklyn coffee order.
Product Features:
3D Wrap for full-coverage—like my talking points
UV protection—because Bernie doesn’t fade in sunlight
Durable shell stronger than any billionaire’s ego
Shock-absorbing liner for when poll numbers drop
Dual-layer protection: like Medicare AND Medicaid
Care Instructions: “Wipe it down like Wall Street wipes sweat during a tax hearing: carefully and often.”
