Look, I’m not saying your bottle’s full of lies—but let’s just say I’ve got questions. This shirt features my baby face in full investigative mode, staring down that synthetic snack like it’s testifying before Congress. I may be wearing a clip-on tie and teething on a rattle, but I read the ingredients. And frankly, they’re alarming.
Throw this on at the farmer’s market, the playground, or your next podcast appearance. It’s more than a T-shirt—it’s a warning sign. Because whether it’s what’s in the bottle or who’s behind it… I’m watching. And I’m lactose-intolerant to BS.
👕 T-Shirt Features (Baby RFK Jr. Approved):
✅ 100% Ring-Spun US Cotton Ethically grown, just like my suspicions.
✅ Medium Fabric (6.1 oz/yd²) Heavy enough to handle scrutiny, soft enough for nap conspiracies.
✅ Relaxed Fit Loose enough for crawling, ranting, or whispering about fluoride.
✅ Classic Crew Neckline The ideal cut for a baby tie, a protest bib, or both.
✅ Pre-Shrunk Fabric Because unlike government stats, this won’t shrink under pressure.
✅ Sewn-In Twill Label A label you can trust—unlike whatever’s on that formula bottle.
✅ Made in the USA Like me, this cotton was raised right—and watched carefully.
✅ Sustainably Sourced Because I believe in ethical cotton… just not in soy milk agendas.
✅ Comfort Colors 1717 Quality Trusted by skeptics, podcasters, and babies with big questions.
✅ Perfect for Casual or Semi-Formal Playpen Debates Wear it to brunch, a protest, or your next holistic pediatrician appointment.
