Look, I’m not saying your bottle’s full of lies—but let’s just say I’ve got questions. This shirt features my baby face in full investigative mode, staring down that synthetic snack like it’s testifying before Congress. I may be wearing a clip-on tie and teething on a rattle, but I read the ingredients. And frankly, they’re alarming.
This garment-dyed tee carries the spirit I was raised with: work hard, tell the truth, and keep rivers swimmable. Throw this on at the farmer’s market, the playground, or your next podcast appearance. It’s more than a T-shirt—it’s a warning sign. Because whether it’s what’s in the bottle or who’s behind it… I’m watching. And I’m lactose-intolerant to BS.
Product Features
Made with 100% ring-spun US cotton, because my image deserves only the finest threads
Medium fabric weight (6.1 oz/yd²) — heavy enough to handle my baggage, light enough for your casual flex
Relaxed fit for comfort, whether you’re lounging at rallies or dodging questions
Pre-shrunk fabric that holds its shape better than my polling numbers
Signature sewn-in twill label — because even my tags have a pedigree
Ethically grown and harvested US cotton (sustainable, unlike my last campaign
